A Heart at Peace

Today I was driving home from work, slightly annoyed with some of my students (but 1st-3rd graders tend to have that effect on most people at one time or another), and thinking about what kind of people I hope they grow up to be. I was very lost in this train of thought when something came on the radio that brought me back to the road just as I drove past the airport. Now, the airport always sends me into day dreams about that day that is only 72 days away when I will step off a plain and into this dream that God has been building in my heart for nearly two years. This time as I drove by I put the to thoughts together and came out with a question for myself: How are you able to even focus on life here when you are so excited to be somewhere else?

*At this point I would like to note that I have written and re-written this blog 3 times tonight and I hope that I am able to get out what I really mean to say*

Over the last 5 months God has been showing me how the little lessons that I am learning here are really preparing me for things ahead. I've been learning how to be patient in very difficult circumstances that I have no power to change, loving to those who I don't understand, sacrificial at times that I just don't want to be. And in all of those things I have learned something that I have just found the word for, peace. Its not complicated. I've just learned that peace is the feeling that I have when all those tough things are going on around me and I can still sit back and know that everything is going to be ok. Not because I am in control, oh no. But because I'm learning that I'm not doing or going through them for myself. 

Now, to be a little vulnerable. A few months ago I was looking over finances, counting up what I needed to raise to make this move, and how that all tied into my new temp job. I had a melt down over some silly little thing. My poor dad...I don't know what he had asked me, but the burst of sobs was not the answer he expected. My wonderful parents sat with me and listened to me cry about how I didn't know how it was all going to work and how I didn't know what my life would look like in 9 months. They listened, prayed with me, and let me cry it all out. At that point I was very self-relient. I hadn't learned about this wonderful peace thing yet because I needed to start breaking. I had to start letting go and just be willing to learn. 

Today when someone asks me where I'm at in my support raising I really am not worried (all though the faces of those asking me show that they think I should be). But I am secure in what I know to be true of God. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. I don't know what that looks like right now. I could be stressing out and loosing sleep, but He has shown me that BFA is where I need to be and He will get me there. 

Thank you for all the prayers, encouraging notes, and hugs, as I am going through this journey. I'm still learning to take deep breaths to take each new hurdle. 

And as a last note. Please don't think that I am trying to over spiritualize my life. Its not perfect and I still have moments when I clutch the steering wheel and think, how is this all going to come together?! But then this peace comes back and I keep going. 




Specific updates and prayer requests:

• For every other missionary who is currently raising support and preparing to move to BFA.
• That God would be preparing my heart for Pre-Field Training at the end of June in Chicago. 
• And lastly, that God would be raising up more people who will join me financially. Praise Him that I am currently at *45.5%!!! (for specific updates on where my support is at look here)

*I had previously had a typo here that said I was at "54.5%". Sorry about the confusion! But who knows? Maybe I'll be there very soon!